


They tried to make me go to rehab...

by Strangefruit76



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Reality, Dirty French talk, Explicit Dreams, Hints at romance, Hitting bottom, M/M, Mental Illness, Psychobabble, Trash Talking, implied alcoholism, too much medical jargon, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:35:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5397920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strangefruit76/pseuds/Strangefruit76
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Blackhawks and especially Jonny have had enough of Kaner's drinking and screw ups.  He finds himself on a plane to an exclusive rehab facility for athletes.  Does he have problems he needs to work on or has he just taken too many shots to the head?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

His psychiatrist looked like a tiny doll wrapped in scarves, beads and layers of cloth that reminded him of burlap. Even after 6 weeks, his brain was still freaking out that he even had a psychiatrist, never mind that he was still locked in this place for one and a half more months. Bipolar, she said. That’s our diagnosis for you. “What?!”, Patrick said. “what the fuck are you talking about”? Yes, we’ve been over the alcoholism, and that’s mostly why you’re here. All signs are also pointing to a psychiatric diagnosis. A dual diagnosis we call it. Because being a BI NHL player with a drinking problem and a record wasn't enough, he thought. Wait, he said. Is that why I keep having the dreams? What dreams?, the tiny woman said. Are you sure I haven't just taken too many shots to the head? 

At the beginning of this whole mess: 

He didn't get it. He liked to party. He was supposed to party. He was rich, talented and hot. He was an invincible hockey God. Sure his hyperactivity and trash talk eventually got on his team mates nerves, but he’d ditch them when they started to feel like a drag and then wake up 36 hours later. That last time permanently ended all the fun. The angry parents of the 17 year old boy he woke up next to decided it was a fine idea to try to extort money from the head office. The GM was very displeased with Patrick. A liability, they called him. Apparently Blackhawks hockey wasn't “The Patrick Kane show”. An ultimatum was given: rehab or his franchise shaming ass was getting traded. He marched out of the office, got in his car, and then wrapped his car around a light stand. Because God is kind to the stupid, he only came out of it with a concussion and a broken wrist. The media had a ball covering it.

Because he was such a pain in the ass (and a world class athlete), the team had arrange to find an alcohol treatment facility that also had a Sports Physician that could look after his injuries. He needed a decent gym to build his strength up after the detoxing and trainers. Originally he had agreed to 28 days in rehab, but the situation turned into a 3 month stint after his performance with the light stand. He was truly fucked if he wasn't back in form by all-star weekend. Maybe he’d be getting himself a new agent and manager once this shit show was all over. Or maybe they’d be firing him.

He left the Chicago emergency room hospital his arm in a cast, and a concussion. He’d been instructed to have someone keep an eye on him overnight. He lied and said he had one of those people. In two days he’d fly out to Rancho Recovery or whatever the hell it was called. He had some serious drinking to do in the mean time. His stupid brain remembered that he shouldn't mix drinking and concussions but fuck if he cared. Of course sitting in the dark, hurling into the toilet and holding his head wasn't making the drinking part easy. Life should have been great not having to attend practices or even leave his condo. He’d embarrassed his family a lot and they weren't even willing to see him until he was out of Rehab. He was lonely as hell. He no longer wanted to hear what Jonny had to say, and he’d burned too many bridges with his other teammates, so they weren't coming around either.

He had amassed a huge collection of fuck ups in the 5 years he’d been with the Blackhawks. He realized he was lucky he hadn't been kicked off the team earlier. They’d been forgiving because he performed and sold tickets. He had a few DUIs under his name. Ones that had made it to the papers. They threatened to make his job’s requirement of going through immigration each time he needed to fly out for games, a problem. There was the suspension for showing up still drunk for morning practices. Jonny, the buddy he'd had since Midget Hockey, had kicked his ass when he heard. He couldn't seem to look him in the eye anymore. They hadn't talked since Kane had called him a sanctimonious asshole after Jonny told him he was worried that he was going to fuck up the only remaining good things about his life. That had lead to more drinking, denial and him not leaving his condo at all. When he let himself be sober, he was struck in a world of pain and unfiltered views of reality. He didn't like to have to think about tabloid articles, bills, threats, hate mail, Jonny blocking his calls...

He dragged every hidden bottle in his condo and took inventory. It was a good thing he was a pack rat because he planned on giving his liver a work out until he had to leave for rehab. He was solemn-drunk on the way to the airport. Nobody was going to throw him off the plane for bad behavior. His housekeeper had taken mercy on him and washed his laundry and helped him pack before the flight. She agreed to keep an eye on his apartment while he was gone. 

He was retrieved by the airport by the man who introduced himself as the clinic administrator. Patrick was too drunk to have any questions, he just signed the papers thrust in front of him and asked where his bed would be. His bag was searched for contraband (booze, shoelaces, belts, nail clippers (?)) and they took away his phone, tablet and laptop. He was introduced to some staff members whose faces and names would immediately be forgotten. He was escorted to a room that looked and smelled like a hospital room. It even had a blood pressure machine and an iv pole. I’m not going to be here the whole time, right?, Kane asked. No, he was told. He’d stay in the detox section of the clinic until he was finished going through withdrawal. He’d need a lot of supervision during that time. Patrick thanked the gods of non-disclosure agreements. He really didn't need recounts of him shitting himself while in withdrawal ending up in the newspaper. They weighed him and checked some other things out.

A nurse asked him if he’d ever quit drinking before. Patrick replied that he usually had to sober up for training camps but had never quit completely since he started drinking in college. Well, the nurse said, this is going to be really hard on your body. You’ve functioned while drinking for a lot of years and your system is not going to like being without the alcohol. Bad news is, since you still have a bit of a concussion, pain meds will be out of the question. You’re going to be experiencing DT’s which stand for delirium and tremors. You could have a Seizure, although those are rare. We’ll be giving you medication to help with the symptoms for as long as you detox. You will get through it, but I warn you it’ll be difficult. The good news is you’ll be sedated. Well thank goodness for small favors, he thought.

He was exhausted, he kicked his shoes off and put on the gown they handed him. He lay down on the hospital bed,was covered with blankets and the bed was raised so someone could start an IV. According to the blood work we took when you first got here, you’re pretty dehydrated. We’ll give you some fluids and extra potassium before we start the treatment. Please sedate me now! Kane said. I'm starting to feel shaky. Very well, she said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life among the inmates.

Eels! Bed of eels! Help! A comforting touch on his upper arm brought him to awareness. What the hell? Patrick said. They put me in restraints? I’m afraid we had to, a voice in the dim light said. You pulled out about 3 IVs and you were starting to go for your catheter. Ouch, said Patrick. So, you’ve been out for 2 days, she said. You had some interesting conversations with people who weren't there and apparently you’re not a fan of eels. Your gown is soaked with sweat, do you want a new one? Yes please said Kane. He was handed a cloth and he used it to wash his face – which felt very good. The nurse helped him into the new gown and then helped him sit up. Juice? Jello? Disgusting, Patrick said. Can I have some orange juice? Sure thing, she said. So, is it over? Am I detoxed? We’re giving you a few more days here in observation. You can get out of bed when you feel strong. Sleepy, Patrick yawned. Need more sleep.

You piece of shit! When are you going to slow down and stop trying to kill yourself?, said Jonny. Not trying to kill myself, just having fun. You know I love you right?, Jonny said. You’re killing me. I can't be with someone so unstable. Please Tazer, please, Pat begged. You’re going to take me down with you. Is that what you want? I need you whole.

Nooo! Please, I love you! He jerked awake. Jonathan Toews was not beside him. He was at home probably trying to reorganize lines. Or trying to get me traded to the Oilers (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Hey! Somebody? I need my phone! 

Day 4. Welcome back, said someone who was approaching him. How are you feeling? Um, actually okay, I think, Pat said. Just shaky. How come nobody brought me my phone? Your phone is in storage with your other devices. This is an electronic communication free facility. Why!? I have people and a job and I need my phone! You’ll get phone privileges and visitors will be allowed as long as you show commitment to your treatment plan. Your trainers have been updated with your condition. Do you feel strong enough to move to your new room?

Ahh my head hurts, he commented while being helped into a wheelchair. That was the mother of all head rushes. Do you need something to vomit into?, said the nurse. Um, I don’t think so. This will be your room for the remainder of your stay here. By the way, where IS here? I don't even remember getting on the plane. I think some intern got me to the airport. Beautiful Spokane Washington. The clinic’s name is Aurora Clinic. The clinic has a variety of different guests experiencing addictions, mental illness and sports injuries. A lot of the time people are experiencing all three. Imagine that, Patrick thought. Tomorrow will be a long and challenging day for you. You’ll be meeting with the different departments so that they can decide on your treatment plan. We believe very strongly in structure here. You’ll be expected to follow the itinerary set out for you every day. Cooperation will earn you privileges, so it's worth your while to cooperate. Itinerary? Are you my cruise director?, he thought. Since you’re not at full strength and I see how shaky your hands are, a dinner tray will be sent up here tonight for you. You'll be expected to eat breakfast and all the rest of your meals in the dining room after tonight. Any other questions?, She said. I'm just sort of overwhelmed right now. Can I just take a nap for a bit now. Alright, you’ll be given your privacy for the rest of the night. Please use the call button next to your bed if you have any other questions

 

Patrick woke at 7am (seriously?) to a recorded message on the overhead speakers with lots of chimes and a printed itinerary placed on the desk in his room. It wasn't a bad room. He had his own bathroom and shower and the mattress wasn't bad. He was feeling depressed thinking about his hallucination about Jonny and decided he’d call him as soon as humanly possible.

He found the dining room rather easily but he’d felt weak as a kitten walking there. He passed a group of people who were laughing their asses off talking about their medications. The setup for serving breakfast was an omelet station and a buffet. Conspicuously missing from the spread were all the good things like bacon and pastries. He filled his tray and went to sit down. The space was very modern and sunny and kind of reminded him of an airplane hangar. He looked up and suddenly there were 2 men and a woman standing in front of his table. Ah, hello, he said. One of the football player shaped dudes took a seat at his table and the other two joined him. Hey there, Matt Dupree, Tulsa Roughriders. Dutch MacMullan, said the other man, Cleveland Calvers and this is Sarah Bright, snowboarder. Sarah wore an impressive full arm cast. Umm, Patrick Kane, Chicago Blackhawks, Pat croaked out. Oh, we know who you are, Matt said. But don't worry, we all signed non disclosures when we came in. I believe Sarah went to Sochi with you. Oh that’s right, she said, you were on the wrong team though, she grinned with a lot of dimple. Oh listen to you, Pat said, you Canadians are so full of crap. Sochi had such great vodka… They chatted a little longer. The football guys were there because of repeated concussions. The sports medicine part of this place kind of specializes in concussions. They have a long waiting list to get in. Pat’s head and stomach sympathized with the guys. He looked down at the itinerary sheet and realized it was almost time for his meeting with the dietician. Gotta go, he said, but I’ll see you around. It was so strange not seeing any skating time printed on his list. He wished that the clinic could do something about that. He skated better than he walked or did almost anything else. It was the only thing his body craved more than booze.

The dietician was a perky older lady. The first thing she told him was that he was malnourished. I find that hard to believe, said Patrick. A common thing with people who are heavy drinkers is that they get most of their calories from the alcohol. They skip eating a lot, does that sound familiar to you? Your blood work tells me that you’re deficient in a lot of vitamins. You’ll be taking a lot of supplements while you’re here and that will hopefully correct the problem. Once you get out of here I’ll have taught you something about cooking with healthy foods and you’ll be getting the nutrients you need from your diet. I'm also prescribing a high protein diet for you while you’re here to help build you up a bit. Patrick had the familiar thought that he’d keep having for the remaining 3 months. How have I passed for healthy for so long and how much of a better player can I be? When can I have a drink?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fever dreams and enlightenment.

1000, the list said. Medical assessment. Well good news was his liver was fine. There was more talk about him being malnourished, and he was given a B12 shot. His cast was removed and he was x rayed and sent for a head CT. The doctor fitted him for a wrist brace that had Velcro that was so much better than the cast. The CT scan and his x rays from the Chicago ER has been sent to the clinic for comparison. I'm seeing some signs of post concussion syndrome, the doctor said. The rest of you seems healthy although I can see the detox made you very weak. I’ll put off doing the stress and physical functioning tests until tomorrow afternoon. I’m prescribing a nap for you before lunch. I’ll let the schedule people know, he said with a grin.

 

He was lying in Tazer’s arms. He could feel his reassuring strength and his scent. He loved to feel Jonny’s big hands running up his body, and he was being kissed on the neck, under his ear, down to his collarbone. They ground together and moaned before kissing again. And then he was awake. And hard. And confused. Since when did he dream of them boning each other? Patrick was usually preoccupied with his conquest of the moment, or his next drink. Jonny just didn't factor in. Or he didn't let himself fantasize about Jonny because eww. They were never lovers, but they’d fooled around a few times. He knew that Jonny was gay and was attracted to him. Pat had always kept him at a distance, though, like Patrick would cause him to become tainted somehow. I guess some of the drinking was meant to dull the feelings he had. He didn’t know how else he survived them living in each other’s pockets and doing nothing. Jonny’s stupid face flashed though his mind. He loved those eyes that reminded him of a cat waiting to pounce on something when he was focused on the attack in the game. Things had gone so wrong lately he thought as he teared up. Jonathan couldn't get past how angry he was that Pat kept fucking up. Being here made his emotions raw and he found himself on the verge of crying constantly. This is dangerous thinking, he thought, he wouldn't be coming home to forgiving arms. I need to get phone privileges, he thought, thinking how absurd that sounded. Mister millionaire jock has to behave himself so he gets to use the phone. 

1300: group therapy

There were about 20 of them in a room and and an instructor with a PowerPoint screen. On the screen was the word “shame” in big block letters. The instructor asked them all to “check in” (that would be a part of every group class he went to in the future). People said their names and made a statement about how they were feeling that afternoon. When it was his turn he said “Hi my name is Patrick and I really need a drink. I mean there’s been some kind of mistake. This place is stress and it makes me need vodka. I should be able to drink if I want to” he rambled. “You and everyone else”, said a guy next to him. This was followed by groans and laughter around the room. Let's get started, said the instructor, we can talk more about that later. Here at Aurora, we take pride in being up to date with the latest theories about addiction. Most recently there’s been much buzz about the shame theory. Simply put, it theorizes that the cause of addiction is linked to the brain development of us all as children. *This particular Doctor feels that people become predisposed to become addicts when as children there is a great amount of stress, abuse or neglect. “What about the 12 steps?” Pat interrupted. There are many treatment programs that are based on the 12 steps, and you’re encouraged to follow them if that works best for you. The theory we’re discussing today encourages people to try to pinpoint that area of their history when they might have learned a destructive way of coping with life. People used to believe that the wiring in the brain couldn't be changed, but there’s evidence that people can rewire their brain by learning new coping skills besides using…..

 

• In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction – Jan 6 2009 by Gabor Mate M.D. (Author)

1430: Art therapy

Patrick was feeling tired and cranky and ready to snap. Professional athletes had to put up with plenty of bullshit but nothing like this. He’d tried to go back to his room to lie down but he’d been shamed into going to art class. His hands were shaky so he couldn't even join in on the project the group was working on. He was getting very sick of being treated like a child. One of the therapists set a large book in front of him and handed him some crayons. “A lot of people like these coloring books for adults”. Patrick flipped through some very loud patterns that, frankly gave him a headache. He found a page that kind of looked like a maze and started coloring it to humor the therapist. He doodled the Blackhawks logo in the corner of the page along with 1988.

1800: Dinner

It turns out there were a lot of pro athletes staying at the clinic. He supposed it was convenient that it wasn't obvious why people were in care. He guessed that was the brilliant part of having different departments in the facility. People’s privacy was further protected. There were other hockey players there that were hot messes like he was.

 

I miss you Pat, Jonathan whispered in his ear. They were curled up together in bed. Pat had been crying. I forgive you. Jonny, I've been ignoring it. I've been acting like an asshole because then I had to make you hate me. Why did you go so far? I go through these states where I don't even think. All that I care about is the high. Then I forget about you altogether. Then I wake up and I've ruined my life. And then I drink. I can't stop doing it. It's ruining my life. I have to change my brain. Shhhh Kaner, sleep. Let's give you a break from dreaming.

0700: Wake up call

Uhhh. He thought. Coffee. My kingdom for a cup of coffee. What the hell was that dream about? Tazer. He was too out of it the morning before to notice coffee’s absence. Oh god why? He thought. Well he knew why there was an embargo on caffeine. There was no room for stimulants in clean living. The least they can do is wake you up with a nice blowjob to get you going. Oh god, what’s wrong with my brain?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reaching out and finding the truth

0930: Psychiatrist.

Would you think of yourself as someone who gets depressed?, his little therapist asked. Sometimes when I get out of control and get in trouble it's like I can't snap out of it. I'm a real bastard to be around then. I can't stop being angry and blaming other people. Would you call that remorse?, she said. It's remorse if remorse takes over your life for months. God, I don't know why I don't get knocked on my ass more often. No wonder my family hates me. Do you feel like these periods are a core part of who you are? No, they’re just moods that I can't seem to stop getting stuck in, he said. But they control your life? Yes, and they make me want to drink more. How would you respond if I asked you if you thought you have a mood disorder. I wouldn't want to listen to anything you say, he said, getting agitated. There's something we say in my profession that I think applies here: something is not an illness until it starts to control your life. I find it hard to believe that it’s that simple, he said. What if it was, what if you’ve had an illness this whole time? Doesn’t that sound like I'm just making up excuses? A lot of people believe that most addicts become that way because they’re trying to self-medicate. I drink because I’m trying to make myself feel better? It doesn't seem to help, he said. Well no, she said. We use the tools we have at our disposal. I bet alcohol really did make you feel better when you first started drinking. It did. It made me forget how much I hated myself. There are many things that do help with mood disorders. Diet and exercise, but you’ve already got that matter under control here. Then there’s medication. Oh god, please don't tell me I need to be medicated, he said. I think you do, she said. It just so happens that we’re in the perfect environment to monitor how you respond to them. But I can't drink if I'm on antidepressants, he said. I thought that was the whole point, she said. 

2200: Lights out

He was at their favorite post-game hangout. Everyone was drinking beer. Duncs, Seebs, Sharpie, Tazer. Even the little under aged Russian kid. This is going to be a problem, he thought. Do I have to go straight home after games now? Darling pulled up a stool next to them. Did you know I was an alcoholic?, he said. I did, I think. It kept me in the minors, he said. I quit and now I have a Stanley Cup Ring. How do you do it?, Patrick asked. Someone’s always drinking. At first, I had to stay home. I couldn't watch everyone around me drink. Then I realized it is what it is. I have a disease, I can't handle alcohol. My real friends understand. The newbies are taught at the beginning to respect that I don’t drink. I’m not the only one by far. Pat got up and walked over to Jonny. He draped his arms around Tazer’s neck and kissed him. Can it really be that easy? What were all these things I was so afraid of for so long? Let's go home Pat.

0700: Wake up call

These dreams were driving him crazy. He was going to get discharged and think that all these things really happened. Just rewiring my brain I guess. He grabbed a bottle of water out of his mini-fridge and popped his pill in his mouth.

1000: Training

How did he get so out of shape so fast? Coach Q had sent his training regimen to the in house trainers at the clinic. He also sent his hockey equipment and Patrick was really looking forward to putting that on. Midway through running drills he flopped over onto the floor on his back. Kill me now

4 weeks later  
1400 Admin office

Pat walked into the office, a little nervous that he was in trouble. Am I kicked out? I was starting to like it here. Hello Patrick, I see from your chart that you’re doing well. I might be in the best shape of my life and the pills are working I think. I'm sure you remember the talk we had about privileges when you first moved into the program section of the clinic. Yes I do, Patrick says. Your case was reviewed by the team and we’re confident your condition won't be impacted by outside influences. Um, sorry what? When you return to your room you’ll have your own landline and number. No cell phone? No cell phone. It's a security thing. In addition to that you will be able receive guests on a limited basis. No passes?, Pat asked. Only back and forth to the arena. Oh God, I don't even know what to do with that information. Who even wants to talk to me? 

Pat was still in a very confused state about Jonathan. He was still having very vivid dreams about him and it was hard for him to separate dream from reality. He’d start feeling relieved that they’d resolved things and then he’d remember that none of those things had happened in real life. In real life he was still terrified of rejection. 

1900 Mountain time

Hey Sharpie. Well look who’s still alive. I need to talk and apparently you’re the voice of reason. So kind of you to finally notice. It’s because I’m from Winnipeg of course. Yeah, you should ask to be traded to the Jets, you’ll finally have people who understand you. Nice, said Sharp. I need a reality check okay?, said Kane. Can Toews forgive me?


	5. Bravery and delusion

1400 Psychiatrist office.

So Patrick, how are you feeling. So different. I can think so much better. So the antidepressant is agreeing with you? Yes. I still feel so hyper sometimes. Any cravings? Well I think about drinking a lot. It doesn't seem as strong as it used to be. It’s funny, my memory is trying to tell me that I felt so awesome when I was drunk, but then I think and remember that’s not true. What drinking did was make you numb, but you’ve been working on other ways to cope, right? I always thought group therapy was for losers, but it’s really helping. I was reviewing your file and I think you could benefit from taking a drug called Lithium as well as the other medication. People find that it evens out their energy and mood. You’ve been right so far. I'm willing to try.

2 weeks later

Hello? My ass is amazing. What? My ass is amazing now and I'm in love with you. Kaner? Are you on crack now? I'm sober and 75% more sane and not such an asshole anymore. I find that hard to believe. Turns out I'm bipolar. I was drinking because I'm bipolar but I'm taking lithium now. My brain has new wiring. Kaner stop. You’re going to hurt yourself, said Tazer. I color inside the lines. Okay I'm going to hang up now.

Later that same day

Tazer, I can have visitors. Come to visit me please. I’ll explain everything. You can fly here, or fly to Coeur Allene and drive here or I don't give a shit. I need you. You’re unbelievable Kaner. But you’ve known me for a long time. I was a good person when I was a kid. I'm sober. I'm a good person. And when they discharge you and you start drinking again? Didn't you listen to me? I have new wires! I talked to Darling, he told me what to do. ER, um I talked to him in my sleep, I mean when I was dreaming. You’re not making any sense Kaner. I have my skates! We can state together. Okay calm down Kaner. Listen. We’re playing Calgary next week and then have 3 days off. I'll drive to Spokane and we can talk, or fly or whatever makes the most sense.. Oh Jonny! I love you. I love you! We can talk and then you’re gonna forgive me. Shut up! You sound deranged Kaner.

Click

Oh my god! He’s coming!! Patrick bursts out in tears. These are tears of exhaustion, tears of relief, tears of joy. He can only see Jonny in his dreams until then but oh, feeling Jonny take him in his arms.


	6. Resolution?

The next week

Patrick launched himself at Jonny as soon as he saw his face. Jonny cupped his buttocks as Kane continued to cling to him. You’re right, he whispered into Pat’s ear. Your ass is a thing of beauty. You should see the rest of me. Two months in this place. I'm completely ripped. You’re killing me Kane, coach will be having to replace me on the team as well. Shit, Kaner I wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty. I swear. Je veux ta bite bandante  
Kane whispered in his ear. Jonny started to choke. Umm sorry? There are some Quebecois players here. I have a lot of time on my hands, they taught me some words. Fuck. Are you allowed out of here? Just got granted a day pass. Be so kind as to sign me out Tazer. 

Later

Jonny unlocked the door to the over the top luxurious cabin. Nice place Jonny, were you wanting to impress me? I'm rich and in the mood for privacy, Jonny said. Plus I've been on the road for hours. If you think you’re gonna get me out ice fishing you’re delusional, said Pat. Want to take a walk? There’s a nice path around the lake. Sounds awesome. Things were quiet as they crunched through the snow.

Can we have an honest talk, no bullshit?, Jonny said. I've been so angry at you for so long. It's like you’re trying your best to kill yourself. Even before the GM was trying to figure out what to do with you, I was ready to call it quits. I was so preoccupied with your safety that it was affecting my game. I wanted to beat the shit out of you because you just didn't get it. So I was given a reality check…Pat interrupted. You needed more than just that, God Kaner it was getting bad. I let you get away with a lot too. That’s a fucking awful position to be in. That’s fair, Pat said. So you’re really doing it?, Jonny said. I am. Because I can't do it anymore. If you go back to the drinking and the crazy behavior, we’re done. If you want me in your life, those are my terms.

Am I even worthy of you? Kane thought. So I don't know if you know what the clinic is about. It’s more than just making amends and all that. I think I’ve even gained some wisdom. Jonny made a rude snorting sound. The program is intense, I’m serious! Like hours of therapy every day and picking my life apart to understand where the drunk asshole came from. Now listen, I'm going to tell you something, and please don't see it as a cop-out Jonny. I have a mental illness. I'm bipolar and didn't know and I was trying to medicate myself with alcohol. I hated myself so much but I didn't understand what I was doing. Are you... Yes I’m taking medication now. Probably for the rest of my life. I’m going to be in therapy forever too. I'm not saying there won't be setbacks, our life is so hectic, but I really really never want to drink again. All this therapy, it’s like I had to figure out how to be human all over again. I had no idea how to do so many things without drinking. I've learned to take better care of myself too.

I had no idea you were working so hard, Jonny said. The illness part kind of explains some things, too. I'm going to have to go home to stability and predictability Jonny. I need to settle down. I feel terrible for even asking you for even a teeny bit more when you've already done so much for me. I’ll need your help Jonny. I’m gonna have to tell all the guys and I'm gonna have to handle it when other people drink around me. I'm sure they’ll be happy to order you Shirley Temples whenever they can. We’re a sick bunch Jonny.

Can I have a hug? Yeah. And a kiss? Yeah. Was that a hot tub on the deck? Not sure, let's check it out. 

They talked some more, were honest about their attractions to each other. They made out in the tub (and really did just make out). Want to hear something funny? When my brain was still screwed up and fuzzy I’d have these crazy dreams. In them we were always curled up together, and we talked, and you were so loving and supportive. I dreamed that we lived together and got to go home to each other at the end of the day. I know the dreams weren’t real, but you gave me a lot of strength Tazer. For that he got an amazing kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

Jonny? Mmm yes? If you bring me back to check in and get my meds….I have privileges for an overnight pass. You could check me back out and then come back here. Jonny feathered his fingers through Pat’s hair because his head was on his lap. I definitely want you in my bed tonight, Jonny said. I have to leave tomorrow, lots of stupid transfers to get back to Chicago. Need anything else? Yeah…a huge cup of coffee. Don't tell anyone.

I hour later.

I find it cruel that I’m in Washington state and being deprived of coffee. Seattle should really get a team so that I have the chance to make up for the coffee denial. I don't know about the fan base. The only people going to the games might just end up being Vancouverites who hate the Canucks. Imagine that. Tazer. What? Isn't there something we should be doing besides talking about hockey franchises. It’s been 2 months. It’s been more then that for me, Jonny said. What about the one with the yappy dog? Oh god no. I wanted to get a cat just so it could beat that yappy thing up. Mean Tazer. What I mean is she was there for appearances. My mother detested her. So who else have you been with? I've been too preoccupied, said Jonny. About me? Well not only you but…. But what? You broke my heart. It made me not want to be around anyone. II didn't know any of this! Well all that shit you were doing kept you self absorbed. That's putting it mildly. And then there was your revolving door of twinkies. A 17 year old boy? He lied about his age. Can I just file that away with destructive shit I did when I was in bad shape?, said Pat. Maybe it had to happen for it all to end? That's so sad. I swear, we have to get busy only having good stuff happen. Only good stuff is allowed from now on, said Jonny. Yeah, puppies and unicorns.

Come here. I….am…tired….of…waiting. Patrick slowly peeled off Jonny’s clothing, stopping to kiss and nuzzle as he went. Enough! Jonny dove backwards onto the bed and put his hands back behind his head. Strip! And Kaner did. Oh god, you’re gorgeous. You weren't kidding when you said you were ripped. Pat knee walked up the bed until he was straddled on Jonny’s lap. Yeah, he said quietly as he caressed his stomach. Look as my abs. You really are trying to kill me. Pat bent down and whispered “Ta bite, si belle, si grosse.”, while grabbing a handful. I really need to thank those French guys you met. Just never talk to my Mom in French please. Pat snorted. Can we not talk about your Mom? Pat stretched out on top of Jonny and gave him a nice long kiss. He ground their leaking cocks together and put his mouth on Jonny’s sweet spot. Oh, not my ears! I'm gonna last for like 30 seconds. Like I'm going to last longer. Jonny gripped on to Pat’s ass and rubbed their cocks together more urgently. Jonny you fucker! Ahh! Patrick yelled out as they came at about the same time. Good thing I know you’re good for another go asshole, Jonny said.

They both woke up around 8. Both sated and sore. Jonny said with a sigh. I've got like 6 hours of flying ahead of me. That might hurt. I'm sure you sprang for the comfy seats, Pat said. I think you’ll live. Pat, do me a favor okay? I had to come to see you were okay. This was just a fantastic bonus. Can we leave this until you’re back in Chicago. This is selfish, but I really want you to just focus on getting better for the next month. Meanie.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for your interest. Any inaccuracies and grammar mistakes are my own alone. Anyone interested in bata-ing for me is gladly appreciated.
> 
> See what I did there? Patrick Kane is playing the best hockey of his life but I sent him to rehab. In my head he needs a karmic adjustment and then we can be friends again.


End file.
